States

I'm spread pretty thin these days. I guess I always have been. Maybe it's a character flaw that I take on on many different roles concurrently. Or maybe it's a strength? I don't know.

I can only do so many things in one day. When I focus on one area of my life I don't give the same attention to every other area at the same time. That's just how it works. I'm in a work-state, a school-state, a health-and-fitness state, a family state, a lazy state. I'm generally OK with my state changes.

Those who know me through only one of my states have said I disappear sometimes. Disappear! As though my very existence is defined by whether or not a someone can see me in action. Maybe the development of object permanence is a process, not a milestone.

Sometimes I internalize this as a personal failing. As if I'm not enough unless I am everything concurrently. When I'm focused on school, I'm "bad" at work. When I'm focused on work, I'm a "bad mom."

I created this blog to remind myself that I'm always myself, and always here. Even when people can't see me. When I'm in a state that permits writing about it, I will write about it here.